Guilt

I had something weird happen to me last night for the first time ever in my life.

I felt so much guilt about eating ONE bad thing that I exercised again. It may sound like a small thing, but I have always been able to justify what I ate... Either with an "it wasn't THAT bad", or an "I will work that off later", or just straight out forgetting that I ate it. Never have I actually felt bad enough to try and exercise it off.

Once the realization hit that something that is so completely out of my normal way of thinking not only crossed my mind, but bothered me enough to act on it, I got a little weirded out by it. I am not quite sure if this is a sign that I am FINALLY ready to stick to healthy living and not just do a crash diet and give up, or if this is a sign of being too obsessed and it is getting to me in a harmful way.

I am going to assume it is a good sign and not a bad one. After all, if it was me being too obsessed would I even question it, or just keep obsessing? Or am I obsessing about possibly obsessing?

I think this new direction is screwing with my head. =P The only thing that I do know is that I am committed to seeing this through, and giving it a FAIR shot, not just spending a few weeks dieting and then give up like I always have in the past.

At least that is what I keep telling myself to keep myself motivated. It's a little harder now than it was on day 1, day 3, even day 5. I am having doubts, and the road looks so much longer now that the "new car smell" of it all has worn off. I have to keep going though. I have to.