Contrary to Reality

Eternal Sunshine

2010-03-12T00:16:00.002-06:00

How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd

~Alexander Pope

Why does 2010 smell so much like urine?

2010-03-03T10:21:00.000-06:00

I wish I could say that my year has been AMAZING, and here at the beginning of the third month of this glorious year things have never been better, and that leprechauns and unicorns have been pooping little golden turds of rainbows & sunshine & candy all over my world..

Instead, I have a chihuahua who won't stop peeing all over my house. We had him broken of this horrible teeny dog habit. He was doing so WELL. Just the occassional "I am a tiny little dog with a tiny little bladder and when I get REALLY REALLY excited a little pee pee might squirt out so beware" accident, but the squatting and peeing was done... or so we thought.

In the past week he has lifted his leg and peed on my nephew, squatted between the couches and let 'er rip, circled the bottom of my chair and sprayed allllllll over, and followed me around the kitchen leaving little puddles every few inches in his wake... He is on a urine free-for-all and there is no end in sight. How does that much liquid fit into that tiny little body??

The worst part is when he is doing it and I come up to him to grab him to try and stop him/throw him outside/whatever, he just looks up at me like the top half of his body has NO IDEA what the bottom half is doing at that very moment. He just gets the cute puppy look like he is expecting some good lovins. Then I have to punish him and make him all cowery and the shame pee starts.

Little leaky bastard is lucky he is so fucking cute.

Social Media RIGHT NOW.

2010-02-22T16:37:00.002-06:00

I found this online and think it is AMAZING!

One month...

2010-02-01T12:33:00.000-06:00

Today is one month in, and I gotta say, it has been full of a lot more ups and downs than I thought it would be. Overall, while I could have done better, I think I have done pretty well. Especially with my food choices. The exercise is another story though. I started out strong, and then fizzled about halfway through.

Must. Fix. That.

So, one month in and my official result is...

Down 7.5 lbs.

I actually haven't lost a single pound in the last two weeks. I am extremely disappointed in myself that I haven't lost more. I lost that first seven lbs the first week and the second half a lb the second week. =(

Today I will do better. I have to do better.

Week two curse

2010-01-13T11:14:00.000-06:00

I think this whole week two thing they talk about on shows like The Biggest Loser is happening to me. I have stuck to my diet, I have been working out for at least an hour every day, I am drinking water like it's going out of style... All of this and I don't think I have lost a single pound.

It is very disheartening. I will know for sure when I do my "weigh-in" on Friday, but the few times I have stepped up on the scale this week I see no progress so far at all in the weight department. =(

I really hope that week three will prove successful not only in sticking to my goals off the scale, but showing some progress on the scale as well.

From Eat This, Not That.

2010-01-12T19:44:00.001-06:00

Saw this on the Eat This, NotThat! FB Fan Page:

Have a craving for sweets, even though you ate just an hour ago? Imagine eating a large, sizzling steak instead. If you're truly hungry, the steak will sound good, and you should eat. If it doesn't sound good, your brain is playing tricks on you. Then, before you take a bite of that chocolate bar, consider whether it's moving you closer to your goals or further from your goals. This will help you limit yourself to one or two squares of the sweet stuff.

Guilt

2010-01-11T20:21:00.000-06:00

I had something weird happen to me last night for the first time ever in my life.

I felt so much guilt about eating ONE bad thing that I exercised again. It may sound like a small thing, but I have always been able to justify what I ate... Either with an "it wasn't THAT bad", or an "I will work that off later", or just straight out forgetting that I ate it. Never have I actually felt bad enough to try and exercise it off.

Once the realization hit that something that is so completely out of my normal way of thinking not only crossed my mind, but bothered me enough to act on it, I got a little weirded out by it. I am not quite sure if this is a sign that I am FINALLY ready to stick to healthy living and not just do a crash diet and give up, or if this is a sign of being too obsessed and it is getting to me in a harmful way.

I am going to assume it is a good sign and not a bad one. After all, if it was me being too obsessed would I even question it, or just keep obsessing? Or am I obsessing about possibly obsessing?

I think this new direction is screwing with my head. =P The only thing that I do know is that I am committed to seeing this through, and giving it a FAIR shot, not just spending a few weeks dieting and then give up like I always have in the past.

At least that is what I keep telling myself to keep myself motivated. It's a little harder now than it was on day 1, day 3, even day 5. I am having doubts, and the road looks so much longer now that the "new car smell" of it all has worn off. I have to keep going though. I have to.

Day Three... so far so good!

2010-01-03T15:39:00.001-06:00

I am on day 3 of the "diet". I hate to call it a diet because diet always feels so temporary. I am working towards making this my lifestyle, but saying "Day three of the new lifestyle" sounds weird, too.

Anyway, day three and still going strong. I am asking the husband to move the exercise bike into the family room so that I can ride it in front of the TV today, and I have my Wii Fit (which he bought me on Jan 1st), plus I can always take walks around the neighborhood since it is SO nice outside in the winter here. Lots of variety to help me from getting burnt out exercising right away.

I have done really well the last two days with my food, and so far today doing well, too. I made a delicious salad that I have a feeling I will be making again and again, I made a really yummy healthy omelet for dinner last night, I have veggie and meatless healthy options in my fridge... I am even getting extra smiley faces on MyFoodDiary for eating so much fiber.

The starting out always feel great though. It's the keeping it up that's a problem

P.S. Three days in and I am already struggling to fit in all of my calories. I have three times more calories left to eat today than I have eaten so far, and breakfast and dinner are under my belt. I don't know if it's because I am not eating often enough, or I just don't have quite enough healthy variety in the house to find something to eat, but either way I am shocked. I thought that I would struggle with being hungry and always eating too much. Now here I am, satisfied and not eating enough. Crazy!!

2010, here I come!

2010-01-01T14:24:00.000-06:00

Today is a new day. A day for new beginnings, new motivation, and a brand spanking new year. A day to wipe all of the dirt from my past off of my shoes and start again. There are many things in my life I am not happy with. My marriage could be stronger, my house could be cleaner, the number on the scale could be lower... All things which are within my own control to change. So, now I will change them. A new day, a new year, a new decade (yes, for all of you geeks, I get it... the new decade doesn't officially start until 2011 =P)... What better time for a new me?

New years resolutions have never been something I kept, or even made, in the past. It seemed pointless because I would think "it's just another day, like yesterday, what's the point?", or I would fail miserably and end up disappointed and think "what's the point?", or I would forget about them completely in which case, "what's the point?". Making resolutions, and subsequently breaking them, is cliche. I know. Everyone does it, over and over again.

I am not everyone.

This year I feel more resolve to change my life than ever before. I have so much to be thankful for, so much to experience and enjoy, and so many reasons to take care of myself so that I can have many more new years in my future. I have an amazing husband, who despite the numerous hairs that have been pulled out over his behavior, is the best thing for me. He keeps me accountable, and motivated, and responsible. His shortcomings push me to find my own strengths. His strengths push me to examine my shortcomings. Most of all, he loves me. Strengths AND shortcomings alike. I have five furry little monsters that bring me more joy than I thought pets ever could. They make me stop and appreciate the small things in life... the way they tilt their heads to the side when they hear a strange noise, the way they stalk each other and jump out from behind corners just to surprise one another, the way they whine when they can't quite reach what they want. They remind me that money and possessions shouldn't matter as much as they do. They are perfectly happy without a new purse, a giant TV, or the newest video game. They are ecstatic just to be loved.

What more motivation do I need besides what I already have. <3

No sonner do I post a pic..

2009-12-18T22:06:00.002-06:00

..and I change my hair again. =D

Here is the new do as of this afternoon. Nine inches gone!

My shortfalls

2009-12-18T12:42:00.000-06:00

I have come to accept my shortfalls. Things like resisting chips and salsa, my handwriting, and speaking softly. I guess I can add another one to the list.

Writing in my blog.

Looking back on some of my ancient entries in this thing, I am glad that I come back once in a while to update for no apparent reason. Reading the past entries cracks me up. =P Instead of boring you with a "this is how much my life has changed since the last time I remembered I had this blog" update, I will just throw a few pics on here.

How my hair has changed

Who has visited me.

Who is new in my life.

Who I miss having around.

What I missed while I was gone.

Who is coming to see me soon.

(and Billy, too, but I don't have a recent pic of him.)

143 days of experience... Examining Barack Obama.

2008-09-28T11:03:00.008-05:00

The chain mail claiming that Barack Obama only had 143 days of REAL experience before forming his presidential exploratory committee is all over the internet. You wanna know the REAL story? Here ya go...

Here are some facts and links to sources. Read them and form your own opinion.

1) Cheri Jacobus posted her article on The Loft, the blog for GOPUSA, on May 5, 2008 :
www.gopusa.com/theloft/?p=707

2) Barack Obama took the oath of office for the Senate on January 4, 2005:
www.obama.senate.gov/about/

3) Barack Obama announced his presidential exploratory committee on January 16, 2007:
www.msnbc.msn.com/id/16652674/

4) Barack Obama made his formal announcement speech on February 10, 2007:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=3IHvOYY6feI

5) The US Senate was in session for the following number of days since Barack Obama took office:
2005 - 136 days
2006 - 136 days
2007 - 180 days
2008 - 136 days as of Sept 12

That is definitely 143 days of experience, many times over in fact. Not to mention his six years in the Illinois State Senate, and his decade of work as a lawyer specializing in constitutional law.

Nice try, though.

Palin in the gun over sacking emails

2008-09-11T01:05:00.004-05:00

Palin in the gun over sacking emails

James Grimaldi, Eagle River, Alaska
September 5, 2008

ALASKA Governor Sarah Palin, the running mate for Republican presidential candidate John McCain, wrote emails that harshly criticised Alaska state troopers for failing to fire her former brother-in-law and ridiculed an internal affairs investigation into his conduct.

The emails, never before made public, were shown to The Washington Post by a former public safety commissioner, Walter Monegan, who was fired by Mrs Palin in July.

Mr Monegan has given copies of the emails to state ethics investigators to support his contention that he was dismissed for failing to fire Trooper Mike Wooten, who at the time was feuding with Mrs Palin's family.

"This trooper is still out on the street, in fact he's been promoted," said the February 7, 2007, email sent from Mrs Palin's personal Yahoo account and written to give Mr Monegan permission to speak on a violent-crime bill before the state legislature.

"It was a joke, the whole year long 'investigation' of him," the email said. "This is the same trooper who's out there today telling people the new administration is going to destroy the trooper organisation, and that he'd 'never work for that b----, Palin'."

Asked about the emails, campaign spokeswoman Maria Comella said Mrs Palin was merely alerting officials to potential threats to her family and that there is no evidence that she ever ordered the trooper to be fired.

Mrs Palin is under investigation by a bipartisan state legislative group that was authorised last month to look into whether she pressured Mr Monegan to force Trooper Wooten from the force, and whether his failure to do so led to his dismissal.

Mrs Palin had promised to co-operate with the inquiry, but this week she hired a lawyer to fight to move the case to the jurisdiction of the state personnel board, which she appoints.

When Mrs Palin entered the governor's office in late 2006, Trooper Wooten already had been reprimanded, reassigned and suspended for five days for incidents reported by her family. They had filed complaints in April 2005 after her younger sister's marriage fell apart and a bitter child-custody dispute began.

Mrs Palin has said previously that she discussed the trooper with Mr Monegan only in the context of security concerns for the family. Mr Monegan has said that Mrs Palin never directly told him to fire the trooper but that the message was clearly conveyed through repeated messages from the Governor, her husband and three members of her cabinet.

I got nothin...

2008-08-24T10:19:00.000-05:00

I am going to TRY to start blogging again (If I remember, I am thirty now... the memory ain't what it used to be :oP) but unfortunately I have pretty much nothing to say right now so this is what you get...

Aren't we gorgeous? :oD

I know all of the archives are OLD, but I will add some new stuff soon, I swear!

Top 25 Favorite Flickr Photographers of 2005

2006-01-11T16:51:00.001-06:00

These are some pictures from my top 25 favs from flickr. They are definately worth a look, so feel free to click on the image and go to their flickr sites and check them out!

Photography

2006-01-03T01:13:00.002-06:00

My photography seems to be going well. I was dry for a while but I am feeling inspired again. I have come to terms with the fact that I will never be satisfied with my work. In fact, I don't think I want to ever be fully satisfied, because then I may stop taking pictures.

I got some rain shots today that you can check out on my flickr, and I got Adam and Gretta to agree to pose for me. I have had a lot of ideas running through my head for photos, ideas I wish I had written down, so I think it's time to carry a pen and pad of paper with me all the time so I can write it all down.

More to come later.

Art

2005-11-27T16:45:00.001-06:00

If anyone has any ideas for photos, lay them on me so I can try them out...

Giving thanks

2005-11-26T11:51:00.000-06:00

Catching Air (black & white), originally uploaded by paperdollimages.

I hope everyone had a great thanksgiving. Mine was pretty good. I got some good pictures of my cousin Sam skateboarding (you can click on the one above to see my flickr), and I had fun with the Idaho family. I actually brought food this year and they loved the chicken ramen salad that I made.

I was thinking about the things I am most thankful for, so I will list them here.

My husband. I have to list him first because he is the biggest part of my life. I really have no idea where, or how miserable, I would be wihout him.

My family. I grew up with the best family. I had no idea at the time how unique we are. Families like ours, who adtually LIKE each other, are so hard to find.

My sister. She is the most important person in my life. Adam is my husband but the way I love him is different. Tricia has been there for me since we were babies. She is the only person who completely understands and knows ME. I love her so much in a way only sisters can understand.

My neices and nephews. I get to see Bill, Angela, and Ruby all the time and it's such a neat thing to be a part of their lives while I watch them grow into the people they will be. My nephew Jayme is the only one who is blood related to me and he is my sisters son so I feel a special bond to him and love him more than I ever thought I could love someone I hardly know. I can't wait to spend more time with him.

My trip to Arizona!! My sister asked her boyfriend, Jim, to fly me out as a christmas present to her so I am going to Arizona! Jim is such a great guy to do it. I will be gone from December 6th to the 20th, and I am going to have the BEST TIME. I miss home SO MUCH.

My camera, and my photography talent. I doubt myself all the time, and it seems so wrong to call myself talented, like I am arrogant. But, I am so grateful that I have what people call "a photographers eye" and that my FIL bought me such an amazing camera to develop it with.

Those are the main things. I hate typing on this laptop so I will leave it at that. oP

Twisted

2005-11-25T23:43:00.000-06:00

twist16, originally uploaded by paperdollimages.

Things are bad. I thought we were struggling enough as it was, and then Monday they got a LOT worse.

For the past two years Adam has worked at Sam's Club overnights so he can go to school full time during the day. Well, at Sam's Club, all of the pallettes are supposed to be labeled with what is in them and if they can be stacked in the steel before they come to the store. The WalMart distribution center is supposed to have all of that done and then send it to the individual stores. Well, last Friday the night crew guys were putting up some of the shipments from the week that couldn't be stocked, and there was a pallette of product out in Adam's section that needed to be put in the steel. Adam checked the pallette slip to see what it was, but it was just product numbers, and the pallette wasn't labeled as "do not stack", so he stacked it with another pallette and proceeded to put it in the steal. When he almost had it all the way up, it crumbled because the bottom pallette was full of boxes that couldn't be stacked, so they collapsed. Adam told his manager that the pallette wasn't labeled, and his manager looked it and and saw that it wasn't labeled.

Well, Monday he went into work and they fired him. I am SO FUCKING PISSED about it right now I could hit someone. Adam is seriously the BEST night crew guy they have. He works the hardest, EVERYONE knows it, and even when I go into the store to shop people always tell me how awesome an employee he is. He has always worked so hard for them, and been so loyal to them. And it's like the company won't take responsibility for their OWN mistakes, they have to $h!t all over him and then throw him away. It is NOT his job to check every pallette to see what it is and if it should or should not be stacking. That shit is supposed to be labeled BEFORE it even gets to the store. It has never been his job, and now he is being fired because something that ISN'T HIS JOB wasn't done.

I don't know what the hell we are going to do now. Adam feels so shitty about it and it just breaks my heart to see him cry because he feels like he disappointed me. He was fired Monday night at work, and Tuesday morning he was already up and writing his resume, talking to people at school about jobs, going to the job placement center at his school, signing up to be a tutor, and filing for unemployment. Yesterday he went to talk to a guy he knows about working on him making web pages and ads for his magazine and stopped in a few places to get applications. Today he is going to a bunch of places, even a slaughter house, and applying for jobs.

Oh and this is another thing that makes me SO MAD about the situation. The unemployment office told him that he could actually be turned down for unemployment because he is a full time student. WTF??? I get that they are worried that being a full time student may make it harder for some people to either get a job, or be willing to get a job, but Adam worked full time and went to school full time for two years before he lost his job. He has already proven that he can and will do it, and he told the guy he talked to that he would be willing to switch to night school to get a job. I swear if they turn him down and basically FORCE him to quit school to get unemployment until he gets a job, I will be PISSED. How much sense does that make? UGH.

So yeah, we are fucked. Gretta is even mad about it, and it's her mission to find out who's responsibility it was the label the pallettes and let them know that their incompetance got Adam fired and she is going to push for them to get fired. She already voiced her anger about the situation at work and they were reviewing the video tapes of the night crew that next morning when she went in. Adam is also going back to Sam's to talk to the store manager about why he was fired, and let them know that he expects his vacation pay in his last check since he earned it and saved it up and was fired for something that wasn't his fault. We are also thinking of filing a complaint against WalMart for the shitty policy that got him fired instead of the person who should have labeled the pallette.

If Adam can't get a job soon, I am going to have to sell my camera, too. UGH I hate this. What am I going to do without a CAMERA? That's like my LAST THREAD of sanity left being sold off to the highest bidder.

Could my life suck ANY MORE?

Peek-a-boo

2005-11-12T21:07:00.000-06:00

Peek a Boo, originally uploaded by paperdollimages.

It's been a while, I think. I can't remember really. Gretta bounced a check to me, the only check she has written me for babysitting. Nice. Now my phone is shut off cuz her returned check sucked up the money I was going to pay the bill with. So, I am going to babysit until she gets her tax return. She has two choices, pay me, and although I quit babysitting we can still be friends, or don't pay me, and not only lose a babysitter but the only real friend she has. I hope she makes the right decision.

I have been feeling drained and dry when it comes to my photography. I want to take these amazing pictures, and I see other people's amazing pictures all the time, but it feels like maybe I don't have it in me. Like I am just faking being a photographer. Maybe it's the struggle of every "artist", you never feel good enough. Not that I am an artist by any stretch of the imagination. Just another thing I am faking.

The Visitor

2005-11-02T23:41:00.000-06:00

The Visitor, originally uploaded by paperdollimages.

I gave Gretta the letter and she didn't seem particularly mad about it. Probably because she knows I am right. I haven't had a chance to discuss it with her yet though. That will come when the kids aren't around.

So, instead of handle things with her, I took pictures of my husband and played with long exposures. This is the best one I got.

Spinning

2005-10-25T09:41:00.000-05:00

spinning, originally uploaded by phil h.

This is not my photo, I actually saw it on Flickr and had to share. How bad ass is this??

Today was good

2005-10-21T20:15:00.000-05:00

shabby, originally uploaded by paperdollimages.

Finally a good day. Didn't have to babysit, got to go shopping and get a few things I needed, had chinese for lunch in the restaurant, got coffee from somewhere besides my kitchen, and discovered some spies on my message board. Overall, not too shabby.

Fall Leaves

2005-10-17T13:42:00.000-05:00

Fall Leaves, originally uploaded by paperdollimages.

Finally. It's Autumn.

Sorry, I know it's been a while. I doubt anyone reads this anymore to be honest. I have been busy, and I have so much to talk about but I really don't feel like typing it all out. So here is a rundown...

Having problems with Gretta and getting her to pay me for babysitting. I have gotten $150 for two and a half months of babysitting, when we agreed on $350 a month. Part of it is that her EX disappeared, part of it is because I am not a priority to her. Thinking of getting another job.

Ordered my new lens last week. Should get it early this week. It's a Tamron 70-300mm telephoto macro lens. I am SUPER excited. More pictures to come when I get it.

Things with Adam are wonderful. He even cleaned for me yesterday.

Still miss my sister like crazy and wish I lived in AZ.

Kittens are doing great. I will post pictures of them too.

Auf Wiedersehen!

The Point System

2005-09-03T12:00:00.000-05:00

The Point System

In the world of romance, one single rule applies to the men: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes, and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system:

==============================

SIMPLE DUTIES:

You make the bed. (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow. (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets. (-1)
You go out to buy her what she wants. (+5)
In the rain. (+10) But return with beer. (-15)
You check out a suspicious noise at night. (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing. (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something. (+5)
You pummel it with an iron rod. (+10)

It's her pet. (-25)

==============================

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS:

You stay by her side for the entire party. (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy. (-2)

Named Tina. (-4)

Tina is a dancer. (-10)

Tina has breast implants. (-80)

Tina has really big breast implants. (-200)

==============================

HER BIRTHDAY:
You take her out to dinner. (0)
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar. (+1)

Okay, it is a sports bar. (-2)

And it's all-you-can-eat night. (-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted
the colors of your favorite team. (-10)

==============================

A NIGHT OUT:

You take her to a movie. (+2)
You take her to a movie she likes. (+4)
You take her to a movie you hate. (+6)
You take her to a movie you like. (-2)

And it's called "Death Cop". (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans that was featured on "Oprah". (-15)

==============================

YOUR PHYSIQUE:

You develop a noticeable potbelly. (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it. (+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts. (-30)
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-10,000)

==============================

THE 'BIG' QUESTION:

She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5)
[Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT you say.]
You hesitate in responding. (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)
Any other response. (-20)

==============================

COMMUNICATION:

When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression. (0)
You listen for over 30 minutes. (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV. (+500)

She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep. (-5,000)

Damn it's been a while.

2005-09-02T00:51:00.000-05:00

Yeah, I can't believe it, but I actually have had a LIFE for the past few weeks and haven't had time to get on here and update. Something I NEVER thought would happen.

So uh, what to say... I have a pregnant cat. I'm sure I mentioned it before. She is like HUGELY pregnant now, and I think she has a good 5 or 6 kittens stuffed up in there, and I think the kittens are doing the hokey pokey on her innards cuz she can't go a day without leaking cat shit all over the place. It has actually been better today, but yesterday she tried to squeeze her fat ass under the couch and in the process of partially flattening her belly in an attempt to slide under she must have put too much pressure on her bowels. *SPLAT* All over my floor and RIGHT under my feet when I got off the couch to find the remote. SWEET. I wonder if that's some kind of beauty treatment in third world countries.

I also have a thriving business. Yeah, right. I did sell two more pictures and I have an order for four more. That will bring me up to a whopping SEVEN PICTURES SOLD. I rock. I wish people would pay $100 a pop so I could make more money and actually pay my car payment this month. I won't get into why I currently CAN'T pay my car payment.

And can I just say, I LOVE me some MySpace. I have now found 7 friends from high school and it's awesome catching up with them. Finally heard from Mike, my absolute FAVORITE guy in my circle of friends in school. He is doing well, apparently bought himself a big old house in AZ, and he is in love. Idn't that sweet.

Otherwise life is full of babysitting, walking kids to school, internet, and cleaning up after cats. Fun, fun. Saturday will be the highlight of my month though. I get to drive to Boise and meet my friend Julie. I am SO incredibly stoked, and will of course take pictures and post some on here eventually.

Quote of the day...

2005-08-17T01:16:00.000-05:00

I'm a bad ass laundry doing mother fucker.
~ Hilary

My life is about to change...

2005-08-01T17:01:00.000-05:00

My life is about to change... Besides the obvious changes like bigger belly, being sick, and nesting like crazy, poop will rule my world. I will all of a sudden be responsible for something that depends on me for it's survival. My schedule is going to change, my budget stretched thin, and my patience is going to be put to the test.

My slut of a cat got herself knocked up.

This is the worst possible timing. We are moving this week so I hope she can hold out until after we move, but she is already getting fat and lazy, her nipples are sticking out really far, and she doesn't want to venture outside anymore like she used to. The moment I decide that I don't want to try to get pregnant anymore because I don't want to deal with pregnancy or little needy poop machines for a while I am blessed with a pregnant cat. At least the new apartment is all tile.

The only thing I worry about is Tessa. She doesn't do well with other cats. We have had Koko for about 6 months and they have never gotten along. We have had Roxy for about two months and Tessa harasses her every chance she gets. I have a feeling Tessa may try to attack kittens. If that happens Gretta is going to have to take Tessa and we will take Roxy until we give all of the kittens away.

Hopefully Tessa will behave.

I am obsessed with notebooks.

2005-08-01T13:00:00.000-05:00

Yesterday Adam and I went to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (different from the original, much funnier than the original, and Johnny Depp is SO PRETTY in it) and get me a birthday present. I had a hard time deciding since we didn't have enough to get me a camera lens.

For some reason, I am obsessed with notebooks right now. We went into the bookstore, big mistake, and I migrate right ot the doary section. I found an ADORABLE little lined diary that has retro circles in the front and doesn't say "Diary" or "journal" anywhere on it. Of course, I had to have it. So that was present number one.

Present number two was the game Scene It. SO FUN! If you haven't played it, you should. I was actually surprised at how good I was at it, and you can play with only two people, or in teams, which is what we did last night. I knew the answers to some questions that surprised everyone else (apparently they thought I was STUPID or something) and I got some really easy questions (like what's the donkeys name in Shrek... DUH) so Adam and I whooped some ASS first game. Adam kinda gave up second game so Gretta and Darin skated through game two.

But, that's wasn't all folks... Adam called his dad last night because we got a message that he wanted our address to send us something. We assumed it was a new processor for the computer since the one we have is a dinosaur and I can't load Photo Shop onto my computer because of it. Turns out, he decided to go one up...

HE IS SENDING US A LAPTOP!!! I am WICKED excited. Of course I am going to have to fight Adam tooth and nail to ever use it, BUT I have the excuse that I can't use PS on the computer so I need the notebook! Hahaha.

So, that's why I am obsessed with notebooks.

Ban the banners

2005-07-29T11:01:00.000-05:00

I am so sick and tired of people thinking that they have the RIGHT not to be annoyed or uncomfortable, so they try to ban anything and everything they deem inappropriate or unnecessary. I am extremely annoyed at their arrogance, so I should be able to pass a law that bans them from being anywhere near me. In fact, why not ban them from becoming citizens at all. If you can't beat the ban extravaganza, why not join it?

So, I decided that I want to ban something. Everyone else is doing it. I don't want to be left behind. How can I possibly be hip and trendy if I don't jump onto a banning bandwagon. How can I possible be an upstanding and moral person if I don't speak out against something with absolutely no regard for the feelings of the people who are doing what annoys me. After all, I am protecting them, and protecting the CHILDREN. And even better, I can LEAD a banning bandwagon and be the lead banner. Oh, then my life will be complete.

So, I got to thinking... what can I ban... ? The use of fossil fuel because it pollutes the environment? Nah... I need my car to get to the store and buy my liquor and dead animals for my BBQ later. How about cell phone? People talking on c ell phones cause more and more car accidents every year. No, wait... I need my cell phone to call my sister and talk to her about body hair and men's obsession with balls. Okay, so how about fast food? Obesity is a huge problem in our country and obesity related illness is now a leading cause of death. But wait, that would mean no more toaster sandwiches and onion rings from Sonic. Ixnay on the astfay oodfay anbay.

OH WAIT! I'VE GOT IT! I have finally found something to ban that doesn't effect MY lifestyle whatsoever! Let's ban RELIGION! Religion causes intolerance, bigotry, arrogance, racism, judgement, emotional distress, and even physical harm and death. Religious people talk down to me because I have pink hair and don't worship Jesus. Religious zealots have burned other people (Salem), hang other people from trees and drug them from cars (KKK), cut off people's heads (Middle East), forced million of people into gas chambers (Nazi Germany), taken over entire nations slaughtering masses of people (the Crusades), flown planes into buildings and killed people (WTC and Pentagon), bombed health clinics killling the women and babies they claim to be trying to save (anti-abortion activists bombing clinics), and beaten perfect strangers down in the streets and murder then in cold blood for not allowing the correct body part to come into contact with their own body part (hate crimes all over the US). Because of religion people can actually be denied the right to enter into a legal contract with someone else if at least one fo them doesn't have a penis and the other one a vagina. Religious freaks actually build statues of people after they are killed by other religious freaks and put it them the middle of their hometowns with inscriptions like "This faggot is now burning in hell" on them. Religious people tell other people they are immoral and evil for committing muder while they push for the death penalty so they can murder the murderers. Religion causes a lot of grief. Why do we even still have it?

I say ban religion. Who cares if they have a right to practice religion. Who cares about all of those people who practice their faith peacefully, never imposing it on anyone else. Who cares about how they feel about being discriminated against because I am a big fat whiner who hates religion. WHO THE FUCK CARES?!?!?! I am annoyed, I don't like it, IT HAS TO GO!

Inspiration

2005-07-25T19:59:00.000-05:00

Where does inspiration come from? How do you know, when you look at something, that it will be a great work of art if you can just capture it in a way that people will feel when they look at it? Can you train your mind to think outside the box? Or does seeing beauty in every day things, and being able to show that beauty to other people the same way you see it, something you have to be born with? Is inspiration ingrained or learned?

I am having the hardest time coming up with ideas and my portfolio is sorely lacking because of it. I want to create photographs that show the beauty of life, the wonder in normality. Photos that show that even when your life is mundane and simple, it's extraordinary. Of course I can wax poetic all day, but that doesn't mean that anything I take a photo of will be anything but ordinary. I have felt a bit inspired recently, but it seems like portraying what my mind sees in a print is next to impossible. I am starting to see a pattern with the things I shoot, and I don't know if it is a pattern that I want to be defined as my "style". I wish I could create raw, dirty, edgy images.

At this point I wish I could CREATE anything. I am afraid that my ability to perceive and invent will never evolve past where it is right now.

I am so damn smart I amaze myself

2005-07-24T12:04:00.000-05:00

Your IQ Is 135

Your Logical Intelligence is Exceptional
Your Verbal Intelligence is Genius
Your Mathematical Intelligence is Genius
Your General Knowledge is Genius

A Quick and Dirty IQ Test

Too bad this isn't a real I.Q. test huh?

My first pedicure

2005-07-24T10:15:00.000-05:00

You always hear about how manicures and pedicures are such luxuries, how they are so relaxing, how it is considered pampering yourself... I got my first pedicure on Friday and couldn't disagree more.

Are you still supposed to have sore toes two days later? My big toe on my right foot freakin KILLS. It is sore and swollen and pink. UGH. It's a good thing that I wear sandals all the time because I couldn't put on a closed toe shoe right now if I tried.

And are they supposed to make you feel like shit when they are "pampering" you? I'm not sure what code of conduct applies inside the nail parlor... maybe there is some kind of magical anti-manners field generator that you walk through when you walk into a nail parlor that takes you to another world with all different rules of common courtesy. If there is I sure didn't notice it as I was being sucked into insult land.

Where I'm from, it isn't okay to hold up the dead skin from someone's foot for everyone in a place a business to see... TWICE.

Where I'm from it's not okay to look up at someone while you are giving them a pedicure and ask them, as loudly as you can I might add, if they want an eyebrow wax with a disgusted "Your name must be Yetti you so hairy" look on their face.

Where I'm from, you actually charge people what your sign says you will charge, or you tell them that it will be more BEFORE you start working.

Apparently they were from a different world. The force is strong in that nail parlor, and it is clouded with the dark side.

NEWSFLASH CHRISTIANS!

2005-07-21T00:27:00.000-05:00

*Disclaimer... this only applies to certain Christian... NEWSFLASH!!

You don't have to be Christian to be happy.
You don't have to honor the birth of Christ on December 25th.
Christ wasn't even born on December 25th, he was born in the Spring, *IF* he was born at all!
It's not "sad" if a parent doesn't teach their child about Jesus. Do you teach your kids about the Pagan gods and goddesses? Unless you do, shut up about it hypocrite.
Christianity isn't the only religion in the world.

How does it feel to be told that you can't praise Jesus everywhere, pray in school, and your religion isn't the most important in every event? How does it feel to be left out of holiday pageants at grade schools all over the country? How does it feel to be told you can't force your religion on everyone anymore? Sucks huh? Well guess what, now you know how EVERYONE ELSE FEELS.

Bastards.

Whine Bitch Moan Complain

2005-07-21T00:26:00.000-05:00

It's been a while I know, but I have a shitload of things to complain about so brace yourselves.

First of all, if you don't live in America, do not *assume* you know more about American politics than an American. 18 year old retarded German girls do not, and will not EVER, know more about politics in my country than I do. I don't doubt that there are 18 year olds, and there are Germans, in this world that know more about politics, and American politics, than I do. But the particular one that signed the guestbook on my other diary does not. If she tells me one more time who to vote for and why, I will have to punch her in the grill, dawg. If she tells me one more time that her opinion of who should be my president matters as much as my opinion, I will have to bust a cap in her ass, G. Seriously, your country isn't all that spectacular itself, so worry about politics in your own country before another Hitler springs up because you were too busy paying attention to America. Saddest part is, she is such a pathetic follower, she would be the first one yelling "Hail Hitler" and making retarded hand gestures in a sea of brainwashed Germans if that ever DID happen.

The other bug I have up my ass at the moment is people who play the victim all the time. Especially those who judge people in their own family for NOT being whiney assholes. One thing I think everyone would do well to realize is that elderly people, like grandparents, have been independant adult people for longer than you have been ALIVE. They are set in their ways for GOOD REASON, and after being independant and self sufficient for half a century, they aren't going to give that up just because you say they should. Would you give up your religion, your home, or your pride just because someone else said you should? Yeah, didn't think so jackass. Stop being so damn judgemental and acting like the grandparents that gave your parents life and who helped RAISE YOU are some HUGE burden.

Oh, and just so you know, when someone is severely brain damaged in a car accident when they are 12, they will act like a 12 year old FOREVER. 12 year old boys are hormonal, horny, confused, and perverted. There is no exception to that rule, and if someone is developmentally stalled in that stage by a serious accident, it is just downright FUCKED UP of you to talk about them as if they are a child molester or rapist. You try living your whole life stuck in a body that doesn't work correctly, a mind that won't develop any further, being perfectly aware that you are handicapped and can't do a damn thing about it, living with memories of being normal, and knowing that you will NEVER EVER have sex like EVERY OTHER NORMAL PERSON ON EARTH. Stop being SO FUCKING JUDGEMENTAL. You have no room to talk about how a handicapped man's parents baby him too much therefore making him unable to take care of himself, when YOU CAN'T TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.

Cradle Robbers

2005-07-21T00:25:00.001-05:00

This was posted on a group I am a member of.

"hi i am 23 when i was 18 i fell in love with someone 3 years unger then i

was both of r parrince had problems we me and her being togather. it was

because of her age and ming but we still saw each othere any way with out

knowing your age and his my addvice is as long and u dont get yourself

pregnet the u shoud be fine cing him and as long as it is not to much of an

age diffence meing if u do got that distice with the relationship if u r

under 14 and he is near 18 he can be arested for being with u i know i was

studing to be a cop the law is 14 and under is off limmits to 17 and above

and 18 is leggale adult. i hope that helps u but dont run that just makes

people worry and could get him in truble even if it was your plan and not

his."

Where do I begin? Besides the obvious lack of any formal education as displayed by the horrendous grammar, spelling, and punctuation.

First let me tell you, this was in a "gothic" group. I understand that being "goth" means breaking the rules, being an individual, going against all social norms... blah, blah. I get it, I really do. But encouraging an underage girl to disobey her parents because your teenybopper girlfriend did it when you were robbing the cradle at 18 years old? Yeah, great advice. And from someone who is studying to be a cop? If that's what we have to look forward to from the future law enforcement professionals of this country, I should just move to Canada now.

Not to sound like some crazed, ultra-christian, right wing, religious right republican, but what the hell happened to family in this country? I don't deny that there are some people who abuse their kids. I don't deny that there are some parents who are just plain fucked up in the head and want to see their children fail. As sad as that is, it's NOT the norm. Most parents have something called HUMAN NATURE, and that tells them to raise their children to be successful and productive adults, and to be more than they turned out to be themselves. Of course if you ask just about any teenager if their parents want what's best for them when they ground them after running away with a crack addict from the projects, having sex with random people, or driving the getaway car in their group of friends latest Quik-E-Mart robbery, they will undoubtedly say that they are so "misunderstood" and their parents don't give a damn about them.

So of course, this idiot telling any and every teenager that comes across that message to just do what you want, screw what your parents think, just don't run away or get pregnant, really angers me. I can tell it worked SO WELL for him, can't you?

So here is my advice for all of the teenagers of the world who think they have life, love, and how the world works all figured out.

YOU DON'T KNOW SHIT. I wasn't a teenager that long ago, and I can guarantee you that I dealt with more bullshit by your age than you have. Unless your parents are beating you with coat hangers or selling you on the corner for a dime bag of crack, you can't complain about how they don't understand you or don't care about you. Stop whining like a little bitch and completely disregardling the fact that they were teenagers before you, are older than you, and know more than you do. Life experience is everything. At 14 years old, you have none. That's the way it is, deal with it. Choosing some random crush that I can guarantee you don't REALLY love no matter how infatuated you are, and you won't know 10 years from now, over your family, is just about the most retarded choice you could make. They don't give a damn about you, haven't invested anything into your well being, and would leave you in a second if a hotter piece of ass came along. Stop watching teen angst movies. Life isn't really like that, people don't really need to be saved from their families, and you aren't a god damn savior.

50 Mental Disorders in One Fucked Up Package.

2005-07-21T00:25:00.000-05:00

Would you ever let a 4 year old tell you to shut up? Or walk away and completely ignore you when you are scolding them? Yeah, me either. I wouldn't let my husband talk to me that way, so why would I let a child?

Well, I know a woman who does that. She thinks that by ignoring her son when he talks to her that way, she is teaching him that he doesn't get what he wants unless he is polite. Nevermind the fact that she has never taught him the words please and thank you. Instead, she is teaching him to ignore HER when she disciplines him. She is also teaching him that it's okay to talk to everyone else that way. That kid is going to end up being smacked upside the head by a complete stranger one day, and if it progresses further as he gets older he will be just another homocide on the evening news.

I don't know why I am surprised by this woman. She is one of those eternal victims. She actually WANTS bad things to happen to her so she can use them to try and convince people that she is strong. As if life is one big competition to see who has endured the most. I'm sorry, but when you bring it on yourself, it doesn't make you strong. It makes you PATHETIC. Letting your child treat you like a piece of shit on the street doesn't mean you are letting him develop into the person he is supposed to be. It means you are setting him up for failure as a human being so that you have more to "woe is me" about.

And one more bit of insight. When someone has been through what you are going through and gives you adivce, they aren't automatically being hypocritical and condescending. Maybe they are *gasp* trying to HELP! Maybe they actually WANT to see you succeed and be happy. As fun as it is to think that every person on earth is just trying to make you feel like shit and convince you they are perfect, that's usually not the case. Especially with your own family. Just because you don't love yourself doesn't mean that no one else loves you. Get over yourself already.

Environmental Hysteria

2005-07-21T00:23:00.001-05:00

Hysteria. What is the benefit of being hysterical about something? Let's take... global warming for example. How does it benefit our society to be hysterical about it? Does it save the environment? No, not really. It causes programs like recycling to be implimented that actually cost more, use more resources, and put more pollution into the air. Does it make you feel good? Not really. Being so freaked out about the earth dying that your entire life revolves around useless and harmful gestures like recycling isn't a fun way to live. Does it educate people? No, not really. Most of the environmental extremists know almost nothing about the environment itself. Try asking one of them what Dihydrogen Monoxide is.

So what's the point of environmental hysteria? Well, I have a theory...

Remember back in the early 90's when that trash barge was floating aimlessly along the atlantic coastline looking for a place to dump it's trash? The entire country took notice and all of a sudden we were running out of places to put our trash and the world was going to end. The DEA put out a pamphlet about the dangers of not recycling and with all of this information about how the number of landfills in this country was going down so our trash was going to consume us (when actually the number of landfills was going down, but the area of the landfills was going up so we were actually gaining MORE landfill space). What the media (a.k.a. political propoganda machine) failed to mention is that the trash barge we all saw floating down the coastline looking for a place to dump the trash wasn't doing that because New York had run out of space. The company that the trash belonged to was trying to save some money by paying someone in Louisiana to take their trash, and mid-trip the deal fell through and in an attempt to avoid paying to bring it all the way back to New York, they were trying to dump it in every state on the way back up. The trash ended up back in New York, but not before freaking out the entire country and causing $8 billion a year of our taxes to be spent on a recycling program that adds more than it fixes. And who do you think that is benefitting? You guessed it. POLITICIANS. Politicians use extreme environmentalism as a platform to get re-elected and further line their pockets with special interest campaign financing by making the American public feel guilty about "destroying the environment". Who is going to argue with that? You will just look like an insensitive, money hungry, industrial happy asshole if you argue with them.

So now we have an environmental movement that doesn't use facts to back it up. Instead it uses the guilt factor. So, let me clear up a few things for you.

First of all, we are not running out of space to put our trash. If you were to dig a 35 mile by 35 mile hole 200 feet deep, you could store 10,000 years worth of trash there. That is a very small area of the United States. We could use that SAME HOLE forever because the trash eventually biodegrades and clear space for more trash.

Recycling wastes time, energy, and pollutes more than it prevents. The ONLY recycling that actually helps more than it hurts is aluminum, because it costs less overall to recycle an aluminum can than it does to make a new one. EVERY OTHER RECYCLABLE causes more harm than good. Between paying people to sort, transporting sorted materials which uses gas and pollutes the air, and running the machinery that uses harmful chemicals to actually recycle the material which puts even more pollutants into the air while wasting energy and money, recycling is hurting us.

It costs $150 a ton to recycle. It costs $50 a ton to just throw it away and let it biodegrade which puts beneficial nutrients back into our soil. Not to mention the negative effects that recycling have on the environment that I mentioned above.

Remember the evil methane that landfills produce that are going to kill humanity? Well, that methane is collected and turned into energy. In one year at one landfill in California, enough methane is harnessed and converted to energy to power 60,000 homes for 30 years. Evil, evil methane, eh?

Oh, and let's not forget how logging companies are clear cutting forests and destroying our planet. There are 3 times MORE trees now than there were in the 20's. Evil, evil logging companies, eh?

Global warming is real, but you aren't controlling it. Imagine that! The earth doesn't need piddly little humans to destroy it. It's much more powerful than we are! That 5% increase in the temperature over the last 100 years that is so alarming to some came about AFTER environmental extremists started measuring temperatures from the ground in places like Las Vegas where concrete causes heat to reflect off of it. The temperatures measured from satellites (actually the only ACCURATE way to measure because it takes everything into account, not just one small area) have increased half a degree at night, and NOTHING during the day over the last 20 years.

Tempuratures are actually LOWER now than they were in medieval times before all of the evil industrialization that is supposedly causing our environmetal crisis. Now THAT'S interesting...

Total human contribution to green house gasses are less than 1/100th of a percent. 95% of green house gasses are caused by... drumroll please... NATURAL WATER VAPOR!

There's a few little tid bits for you to ponder over...

Now for the real reason I started talking about this. If you take on environmentalism as your cause, great. We can all do well to conserve our natural resources and be aware of ways to replenish what we use. But, PLEASE know what you are talking about. Don't tout holier than thou environmental bullshit and have absolutely no facts to back up the hysteria you are vomiting to people. And before someone asks me for my proof... here ya go.
Enough information to make your head explode. A show to enlighten you. Environmental Protection Agency LMOP Program. LMOP case studies. Status and trends in America's forest lands.

Gossips

2005-07-21T00:23:00.000-05:00

What is wrong with people, namely women, that they have no spine and have to talk behind people's backs. I have this horrendous bitch telling everyone that we know that I am a horrible person because I banned her from an online community. First of all, the stupid ass woman left the group and insulted every member on the way out. Second of all, she rejoined under another name and tried to lurk and read if we were talking about her. Third of all, IT'S ONLINE! GET OVER IT! Then the psychopath decides to go to another group and post an insulting mesage to me as if it is going to hurt my feelings. I bet she wasn't expecting the response she got. She is one lucky whore that I didn't hear her say that shit in person. I would have broken her nose and laughed in her face.

In fact, I think I will link her to this and see if she wants to meet for "lunch".

Online Whore or Real Life Trash?

2005-07-21T00:22:00.000-05:00

What about all of those stupid fucks that live their entire lives online. You know the ones. They talk to all of their friends through instant messenger and some cheesy online diary. They are a member of too many discussion boards to count, and are super popular online, but in real life have Mr. Ed's teeth, eyes set back to their ears, have to lift a tit when they bathe, and couldn't get laid if they paid a million dollars for it. Those people. I know one of those people. Not by choice, by accident. Never the less, she is amusement so I check in on her diary every once in a while. She has a different online beau every other week, but never has one in real life, Gee, I wonder why. Maybe because you smell like urine? Maybe because people run from you screaming when they see you on the street? Nah, of course that isn't it. It's because you are so misunderstood and deep that no one within a 500 mile vicinity of you could possibly get the essence of you. Only the poor schmucks that happen to live across the country and can't see your nasty ass in person could possibly ever get what in the hell is going on in that pinto bean you call a brain. That is the way life works right? That is your luck right? Yeah, right. Keep chowing down on paint chips and convincing yourself you are special.

Religion... it's not just for the religious anymore.

2005-07-21T00:21:00.000-05:00

People make me want to vomit. Literally hurl everything I ate out of my mouth onto their ugly shoes and splatter all over the bottoms of their hideous pants. Some people even have me aiming for the face.

When you choose a religion, it is supposed to be because you BELIEVE IT. Am I wrong? Isn't that what religion is all about? Someone please strike me down with a bolt of lightning if I am somehow wrong about this. It is not a popularity contest, or a way to make your mate happy. It is a personal decision concerning every aspect of your life and it's meaning.

Then again, maybe you are supposed to change it everytime you meet someone and want to make them happy. Maybe it is one of those things, like you shoes, that you change everyday so that everyone else will think you are cool. So that you "match".

If that's the case, I have been going about this all wrong. Shame on me. I forgot that I am a mindless sheep.

Sibling Stupidity = Love?

2005-07-21T00:20:00.000-05:00

Someone please explain this to me....

When you date someone, and you break up, that automatically makes them off limits for anyone else in your family right? Say you are a guy, and your brother dates this really hot girl. They break up. If you tried to move in on her, your brother would beat your ass, right? Same with a girl and her sister, right? If those rules apply to siblings of the same sex, should they not apply to siblings of opposite sexes?

The thought of sleeping with someone that one of my siblings slept with is just WRONG. Sit back and think about it for a minute.... That persons body parts were very intimate with your siblings body parts. Exchanging body fluids.... sperm, saliva, etc, etc. Why anyone would want to get involved with someone that has boinked someone else in your very own family is WAY beyond me.

Imagine this.

A guy dates a girl and they have a very nasty break up. They manage to come out of it friends, but the break up was very hard on the guy.

Now imagine you are that guys sister. Imagine you knew that his girlfriend was cheating on him, and that she was going to break up with him before he went out to visit her. Would you tell him, or would you let him fly out there to see her anyway, knowing that she was going to break his heart?

Well, let's go with the worst case scenario. You let your little brother go out there and get his heart broken by this girl. You saw him come back completely broken and devistated. Would you tell his now ex-girlfriend off for hurting your brother? For putting you in the middle of it? Or would you let her off the hook and continue being friend with her like nothing happened?

Again, choose the worst case scenario and continue being friends with this girl. In fact, become better friends with her than you were before.

Now, let's add a little twist. Let's say you are bisexual. If your little brothers ex-girlfriend, who you KNEW cheated on your little brother, came on to you, what would you do? Would you tell her off? Would you politely tell her that you couldn't flirt with someone that had been involved with your brother? Would you just stop talking to her? Or, would you flirt back? Would you maybe plan to meet her, have cyber sex with her, and even start an inappropriate relationship with her?

Based on this story so far, and the opening paragraph, I bet you can guess what you are supposed to choose.

This little choose your own ending story is the actual story of someone I know.

Needless to say, I want to beat his sister with a piece of barbed wire.

$40 Friends

2005-07-21T00:19:00.000-05:00

I really hate money hungry people. I know someone that recently burned a bridge with a supposed friend over $40. I had no idea that a good friend was only worth $40. You would think that friends would do things for each other because they were FRIENDS. Babysitting each others kids when no one else is available and daycare is too expensive falls within the realm of friendship in my book. Over charging to watch someone's kids for 2 hours does not. I think that $20 for babysitting 2 kids for a whole 2 hours is a bit outrageous, but what do I know? Of course, I am still friends with all of the people I claimed to be friends with. I don't demand money for something I didn't do, and then call them up and start screaming cuss words and insults, and insulting their parenting skills. I don't resort to threats and childish tactics like calling their hubands work and trying to get them into trouble with their commanding officer just because my husband is a higher rank. I don't show up at a group activity full of common friends and talk shit about my friends behind their backs trying to get support when I know I am wrong. I don't talk shit to my friends husbands and then refuse to answer the phone when my friend calls herself to talk about it. I don't have my other friends post coded messages on a public message board trying to make anyone else look bad. Then again, I am not the one being a complete ass and making a total fool of myself either....

I think this supposed "friend" deserves a kick in the head with that spike toed boot that I just got done shoving up the military haters ass.

Anime is japanese for FUCKING RETARDED.

2005-07-20T23:43:00.000-05:00

As I am sitting here proof reading my last blog post, Cartoon Network is playing adult swim behind me. All of a sudden I hear "Could it be that he loves me because I look like Kikuy?" and that loudest SEX MOAN I have ever heard. "He was in love with her, and yet she shot him with an arrow and hung him in a tree. That poor guy. She didn't retrun his feelings. She didn't love him in return. SHE DIDN'T LOVE HIM!" And the whole time there is B rated porno music with a slight japanese twang playing in the background. Bow chicka bow bow... bling! Bow chicka bow bow... BONG.

OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!! And people WORSHIP this shit? I have come to the conclusion that anyone who attends anime conventions, writes anime fanfic, takes on japanese pseudonyms, and tries to learn japanese from home is a pathetic hopeless retard. I know someone like that. She writes anime fanfic that consists of sword fighting and man on man butt loving and calls it ART. Yeah, I can write about Yoshimitsu and Bo Chin humping each other up the ass while fighting kung fu masters to the death with ancient japanese magic cards in the middle of a mystical countryside engulfed in flames and overtaken with dragons while talking about the need to go forth and destroy every demon with the jewel shards lest they will emerge from the darklands and join the evil shoalin priestess on a quest to recover the shattered remains of what once was the legacy of honor and disgrace it with the blood of the forsaken. Or some shit. It isn't art. It's pathetic.

Just so you know...

Too smart for my own good.

2005-07-20T23:30:00.000-05:00

Ruby is a little genius I swear. That girl is too smart for me sometimes. She has tapped into my weaknesses and exploits them every chance she gets.

For example. I have a really hard time with vomit. Not just like most people, where of course I don't like it, and it makes me gag a little, or whatever. I mean like if someone throws up, I will, too. I can't handle it. I guess I should take that as a sign that I should never have children.

Ruby has somehow become aware of my puke phobia and she takes advantage of it. Keep in mind the girl is FOUR YEARS OLD. If she doesn't want to eat dinner, all of a sudden she feels like she has to throw up. If she doesn't want to clean, she has to throw up. If she doesn't want to go to bed, she has to throw up. And, since one time we had to pull over the car so that she could regurgitate purple and pink swirly Trix yogurt all over the Sam's Club parking lot, she knows that I will give in to her every time because I am too damn scared that this may be the one time that she isn't lying just to get out of doing something she doesn't want to.

So, of course I feel like a total retard because when I was young I wasn't clever enough to come up with that, and the one time that I did tell my parents that I didn't want to eat tartar sauce because it would make me throw up I actually did throw up and they punished me for it like I forced myself to vomit.

Ruby is going to take over the world.

It's about damn time...

2005-07-20T00:40:00.000-05:00

So, I *think* that the GI Bill crap is finally verified and sent through and we should be getting the money, which is probably still going to be too late because a charge I didn't expect quite yet went through and now our account is like $5 short of being able to cover the deposit check for the new apartment. Thankfully we have a small bank and is pretty good about not bouncing checks unless we are extremely short (like the difference is more than we have in our savings), so I am hoping that they will honor the check anyway and just charge us an overdraft fee. This moving stuff is really fucking us up because we hadn't bounced a check in almost a year before all of this drama happened. But what's done is done, can't change anything because G got a letter from the mortgage company today saying that if she didn't pay them $2700 by the 4th the house is going to be foreclosed on. Makes me very happy that it isn't my house in any way, and that we already have moving plans all taken care of.

And, I love my husband. Everything is all better and he is trying so hard. We got to talk and he is just so run down and fed up and ready to be in our own apartment where we can escape the kids. All he wanted was one day a week that he would could just read, or play games, or veg without any responsibilities or commitments. I absolutely think he deserves at least that since he is working and going to school full time, and I wish I could give it to him, but while we live here with three very full time children, it just isn't going to happen. So I promised him one day a week after we move (in about two weeks) and he promised me that while we are still here he will do at least one thing a day to help me out, even if it's just taking out the trash which takes like two minutes. So far he has been awesome about it. I am not naive enough to think that he is just going to change overnight and all of a sudden be Mr Perfect Husband, but I have to have some faith in him, so that's what I am going to do. Crossing my fingers that this time it sticks, at least better than before. :oP I know that after living here with three kids constantly messing up anything and everything they can get their hands on, keeping my own apartment with just me and Adam in it is going to be a PIECE OF CAKE.

Really, what do they gain?

2005-07-16T23:50:00.000-05:00

I am having a hard time understanding why some men lie about the things they lie about. I found out today that my husband has been lying to me for THREE WEEKS. He tested out of a class at school so instead of going from 8:30 to 2:30 he was getting out before lunch and had no second class. He didn't tell me that he tested out until a week later because, and these are his words, "I didn't want to come home, I wanted to screw around and be irresponsible, and I knew if I came home you would make me do stuff." Yeah, ya think fucker? Since we are MOVING and need to PACK and since I AM STUCK IN THE FUCKING HOUSE CLEANING ALL DAMN DAY EVERY DAY. Yeah, I would make you actually CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELF. Why does HE gets to run around and be irresponsible and avoid coming home so that he doesn't have to do a fucking thing while *I* have to be here doing everything? And why didn't he just TELL ME that he tested out but he was going to stay late until he finished his so-called "project"? Am I that much of a bitch that he can't be home without being unhappy? Is he really that much of a fucking lazy selfish asshole that he would rather avoid me altogether than take out the damn trash? Or was he doing something he didn't want me to know about?

FUCKING ASSHOLE. I am starting to think that maybe we just aren't right for each other. Ya know, since I actually GIVE A SHIT and he doesn't. FUCKER. I hate him right now. He was home all day today and didn't do a FUCKING THING but read a book, while I packed all of our dishes, cleaned the kitchen, cooked, packed all of the spices, sorted through tons of stuff to give away, packed all of our stuff in the living room, gave the kids all baths, cleaned the living room, did laundry, packed a bunch of stuff for Gretta, and did a shitload of dishes. And the most important thing that I asked him to do, call G's ex about giving us our money before we fucking overdraw, of COURSE he didn't do that. Why do I have to be the fucking grown up? Why is it that all of the bills, packing, cleaning, cooking, worrying, being responsible, calling people, shoppping for groceries, EVERYTHING that grown ups have to do to survive, falls on MY SHOULDERS? Why does he get to be an irresponsible asshole? WHY????????????

I just want to fucking die.

Did I mention that I hate him right now?

Sorry Hil, I can't talk to you anymore

2005-07-13T11:34:00.000-05:00

I talk to Hil ENTIRELY too much. I had my second dream in about a week that revolved around her last night. I think that's a sign that we talk entirely too often. Haha. Before, I had a dream that she was murdered, drowned, and came back to talk to me after she died. This time I had a dream that I went skydiving with her and her husband. The skydiving place was run by Haagen-Dazs, too! Uh, if I was skydiving for the first time I wouldn't be going to the place run by the ice cream people. I have no idea if we actually jumped and lived through it because my dream ended when we decided to do tandem jumping after her husband kept pressuring us to just do it.

Uh yeah, weird. So, I can't talk to Hilary anymore. Our nightly phonecall smoke sessions are getting to my subconscious. Not only do I talk to her everyday, but I am starting to dream about her every night. She gets to have her cushy Star Wars and Britney dreams, and I am stuck with her drowning and her husband screaming at me to sky dive from a big ice cream plane or something. Looks like you are just gonna have to quit smoking. :P

The dreaded move.

2005-07-13T00:09:00.000-05:00

Can I just say how much I HATE MOVING? We have about two and a half weeks, just BARELY started packing today, and I already hate it. Thankfully MOST of the stuff that belongs to me & Adam is still packed away from our LAST move, but you just don't realize how much stuff you accumulate until you have to actually put it all in boxes. These next three weeks are going to be hell, especially since it's as hot as hell here and we have no AC. AHHHHHHHH.

So, I think I have finally perfected my Jedi mind tricks and all of a sudden Hilary is Star Wars enthralled, after years of subtle hints and innuendos. She has finally fallen to the dark side of obsession. Unfortunately, she is a little more like Adam in that aspect. As much as I *thought* I knew about Star Wars, she is blowing me out of the water with all of her analystical questions. So, I say to her what I say to all weirdo film fanatics... IT'S JUST A MOVIE. IT'S NOT REAL. Hahaha. We did have a lot of fun editing pictures of her to include a light saber last night though. LoL. She can be Hilafet. Or Hiloda. Or Hilawon Kenobe. Or Hilamadala. Or the ultimate supreme geek of the universe.

And I need to add... I am really looking forward to having my own place. Now that the matter of a deposit is all taken care of, I can allow myself to think about how nice it will be to actually have my own HOME and not just my own room. I keep thinking about sitting on the couch, watching TV, sipping some tea, and not having to worry about if I remembered to put sunscreen on the kids or if I made the house adequately clean for when Gretta gets home from work. Most of the week Adam is gone all but 4 hours a day when he is sleeping, so it will be like living all on my own. I feel like a teenager about to move out on their own for the first time. I will finally have NO ONE TO ANSWER TO and get to play house and be a real live grown up!

I am such a goob.

Moving on up...

2005-07-08T19:28:00.000-05:00

Well, Gretta and I decided that we are just plain sick of living together. Not because we don't love each other, because we totally do, but because we know that we just need our own space and most people just can't live together for three years and meld their families like we have without hating each other once it's all over. We want to keep the friendship we have now, and we want to have our own space. She wants time with just her and the kids without another "mother" around, and I want to be able to give the kids back to her and go home without my home being where the kids are. Now I will finally get some non-kid time, and she will finally get some family time with just her kids.

So, today we went to Logan to look at apartments and the second place we looked at was perfect. One bedroom, heat and high speed internet included, located about 4 blocks from where Adam works, allows pets, and it's a basement apartment so it's nice and cool during the summer. All for $430 a month. Now we have to come up with $430 for the deposit and the first 4 months or so we will be paying extra on top of rent for the pet deposit. The only thing I don't really like is that the outside of the house looks ghetto fabulous, but it's in a nice neighborhood and it's not like I am buying the place, so I'll get over it.

The best part though... and you will probably think I am crazy here... but the best part is that Gretta is renting one of the apartments right above us. Now, I know, we are moving to get away from each other but still moving right next to each other. Hahaha. Well, the thing is, I still want to be able to babysit for her because then I won't have to look for a job, she doesn't have to search for a babysitter that she trusts, and she can save some money on childcare. So, it works out perfectly for both of us. I can still watch the kids for her, but go home at the end of the day and have some kid-free time.

Pure genius. Now we just have to come up with the deposit.

Oh, and a side note, Koko has eye goobers and the bottom of her eyes look a little puffy. I really hope she doesn't have some kind of infection that she needs to go to the vet for because I can't afford that and have no idea what we will do. I am just going to have to watch it and hope she doesn't give it to the other cats. Hopefully she just got into something and it irritated her eyes and she will get over it, like an allergy.

Don't you just love it...

2005-07-07T21:24:00.000-05:00

Isn't it just the BEST when someone accuses you of something you didn't do, and not only do they overestimate your intelligence by making you this super duper evil genius, they also advertise you as doing a shitty job at it? Yeah, so I get accused of being a hacker. Something I have NO IDEA how to do. Then I get accused of being a hacker and just getting her website *suspended* (which isn't even possible to do from where she claims I hacked). Dude, if I was going to hack a site, I would delete the bitch! Suspension nothing... it's all about doing as much damage as possible. But apparently I am a retarded evil genius or something.

Anyway, the girl who accused me of hacking did a public apology thing since she knows she was wrong to accuse me like that. Big of her although it was half hearted and still shady. Whatever. I am done with her and her drama, have been for months now actually, so no more blog space will be wasted on her.

On to bigger and better things.

Roxy is a little poop machine. I know not interesting, but this is what my life consists of. I let her in last night because I didn't want her outside at night, you know trying to be a good pet owner and all, so she decides to reward me for my thoughtfulness by taking a gigantic runny shit in my closet. Lovely. So at 4 am I had to clean up cat diarrhea.

I love my life.

Freaking out a little.

2005-07-07T00:18:00.000-05:00

I am starting to freak out a little about this moving stuff. Not because I don't wnat to move, because I know that it will be better for everyone. It's just that we aren't exactly rolling in money right now with Adam being in school, and with his school being such tards about getting his GI Bill in on time it's making me nervous. I have no idea how we are going to afford to pay first and last month's rent and a deposit, if we are going to find an apartment that will allow pets in a non-scary ass neighborhood, and how much of a pain in the ass it's going to be to babysit for Gretta and be at her house early in the morning when we don't live together.

UGH. I don't even want to think about it...

Did you know I'm a hacker?

2005-07-06T14:50:00.000-05:00

Some fucking retarded bitch just accused me of hacking her tiny insignificant little internet board full of people that we banned off our board. Uh, yeah. First of all cuz I know how to hack. I mean, I know I have far superior intelligence than her, but she is giving me a little bit too much credit telling people that I did something that my computer genius husband can't even do. Second of all, why did she decide to attack me? I haven't even talked to her for months. I don't give a flying fuck about her board. Even when she called me stupid on her staff board and turned around and sent me an invitation to join her retarded online friends list the next day like the two faced hypocritical bitch she is, I didn't lower myself to even start it up with her. Even when I found out that she has a PM log hack on her board and she reads all of her members PM's while telling them she would *never* betray their trust like that, I never called her out. Know why? CUZ I DON'T CARE! I don't stoop to the level of 7th graders like she does.

And believe me honey, if I had the skills to hack, I would hack someone that MATTERS. Not some 45 member shithole of a board filled with the rejects from my board.

Stupid ass.

Uh yeah, I'm a tard.

2005-07-06T10:33:00.000-05:00

I decided to make an Amazon wishlist. I do a SS thing with some of my military wife friends, and thought that it would be easier on them if they could just pick something from an already meticulousy constructed wishlist instead of try to think of something themselves. Ya know, save them the wondering, order it right from a list of things I already know I want, yadda yadda.

Yeah, not so easy. I swear I can not think of a SINGLE CD that I would like to own. That isn't normal right? I would like to think that I am this hip, punk, alternative, edgy girl, but I can't think of a single CD that I would actually want to own.

Of course that could be due to the fact that I illegally download music, so when I hear a song I get it for free without having to buy a whole CD full of worthless shit just to get the one song that I happen to like that week.

So I copied Hilary and asked my friends what their first impression of me is because, in Hilary's words:

First impressions are even cooler because it's not like you will ever have a first impression of yourself or anything. Because you have always known YOU... Right?

This is what I got...

Hmm, you responded to one of my first posts on the health boards.
You kind of freaked me out because you explained things better than my Dr. lol
I already told you that you scared me in the debate forum

I viewed you as being like the "MUFASA" (Lion King) of SO. HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

I just thought you were the cool chick on the board that EVERYONE loved.

I thought you were a tightass conservative asshole, but I grew to love you!

My first thought was "Who the hell does the witch she thinks she is.... coming in here and throwing around her admin status!" LOL But now i love ya!

My first impression was that you were a big huge copier.

I liked you a lot! I remember Gretta used to talk about you all the time, so I was really excited to meet you. After all Trina, you are super cool.

I'd say kinda gothic, dark, opinionated, intelligent...

I refuse to incriminate myself... though I will say that it was all good. (From my husband... Haha)

I loved you from the beginning. Super-friendly, super-open.

I had no idea I left such a bad first impression on people sometimes. Of course Hilary was just mad cuz I banned her from the first group we belonged to together. And Melissa first met me in my "I am just barely starting to get interested in politics and everyone I know is a Republican" stage. And Dani first met me when I was promoted on SO and had no idea that Hilary and I were friends. Now none of them can live without me and my uber wicked awesomeness.

Err... something.

Quote of the day...

If I had a fondue pot I would be a fire hazard. ~Hilary

I hate...

2005-07-05T14:46:00.000-05:00

I hate being a stay at home mom. I know I have a bad memory and all, I can't even remember what I wore yesterday, but I thnk I would remember giving birth to a kid. Yet somehow here I am, stay at home mom to THREE kids. How the hell did this happen? I was supposed to watch the kids WHILE SHE WAS AT WORK. Not 24/7 so she can have a social life while I cook and clean and discipline. And of course it slowly slips into a pattern where I become the caregiver so that she can have a life, and before I realize what's going on it's done and I am stuck. What the fuck?

And what is it with men lately? All of my friend's husbands are being TOTAL retards. All of them. It's like masculine PMS but worse because there is no way to predict it, and it makes a man do things that affect his whole family adversely without a single thought of how anyone else may feel about it. Say what you want about female PMS, but banging around a few dishes and getting mad cuz you don't have the right brand of ice cream is nothing compared to uprooting your whole family or threatening to divorce your wife. The most recent victim of the Male PMS attack is one of my friends who is married to an ex-Marine. She has been waiting for five years now to go to college and it seems like no matter what she does or how well she plans, something screws it all up for her. She even has the money in her account all ready for her to enroll, but her husband decides he wants to join the Marines again with NO regard for the fact that she already went through one enlistment with him and followed him around the country so he could live his dream. It's her turn already. And his argument to justify his genius plan? He was meant to "die in the war". Yeah, THAT is going to make her agree to it. Not only will she hop right onboard so he can be gone again 24/7 AND get deployed to Iraq, but she will be singing hallelujah at the thought of him dying and having to raise their daughter alone.

Men are fucking idiots. I am going to make sure Adam knows before he tries to slip into retarded mode that I am watching and he will be eating his balls for breakfast if he even tries to pull some insane shit on me.

Tampon anyone?

2005-07-05T01:02:00.000-05:00

I was having a weird conversation about tampons tonight and remembered something that happened when I was living in Washington...

My cousin Andrew came to visit me and my husband for a week, and being the weirdo 12 year old horn dog that he was, he was always doing things to shock us. Like, for example, using our entire box of condoms as balloons. The worst by far was what I will refer to as "the tampon incident".

He decided to be *funny* and go through my cabinets in the bathroom looking for things to use in another one of his prop comedy acts. Pretty soon he emerged with a tampon... uh, take a wild guess what he did with it.

Back in those days we were poor, so the liquid portion of our diets consisted mainly of kool aid. Lucky for us we had a pitcher or tropical punch flavored kool aid in the fridge that night. Bright ass red. Andrew thought it would be funny to eject the tampon from it's applicator, dip it in his cup of kool aid, and SUCK THE KOOL AID OFF OF THE TAMPON.

At that moment I had a wave of disgust overtake me, but it was accompanied with a weird twinge of disappointment because I didn't have my camera handy. Damn, that would have been awesome blackmail...

The name generator name generator

2005-07-04T23:55:00.000-05:00

Hilary found this awesome site that has a bajillion name generators on it, so of course I am going to post some of my super cool name generator names.

Rich White Republican Name: Katherine "Eatin' Eleanor" Robinson
Mormon Name: Tabrina Aeranee
"Totally gay nickname Carl would give me" name: Dog-castratin' King of Kickass
Biggest mistake I'll ever make in sex name: You forgot to remove that insanely large dildo you were using earlier
Celebrity I would fuck if I were gay Name: Britney Spears (Take that Hilary!)
70's pimp name: Pimpotronic Brotherman
Modern day pimp name: Rollin Pimpydaddy
Sith name: Darth Archibald
Rejected Disney character name: Marijuana Obliterator of Villages
What my name would be if my parents could name me right name: TITania Antigone Marilyn Mariad Loquatia Tie-Quon-Do

OMG I could go on and on...

And it begins...

2005-07-04T22:43:00.000-05:00

I figured since Hilary wouldn't stop bugging me about having a weblog, I would make one. So, here it is. I have no idea what I will talk about, but I'm sure I can think of something to ramble about. I'll put a new picture in here every day too, since I am a photographer and all.

Today it is Gretta. My SIL. I don't understand the girl. She is 29, divorced, with three kids. She was married to a total idiot loser that I figure she HAD to have married because she had low self esteem. She admits as much herself really.

Well, since the divorce almost 2 years ago she has lost 30 lbs, gotten new clothes, and taken on a new identity. I get that as much as she claims she is so confident, she has some serious self esteem issues. I get it, I really do. To be cheated on by an idiot like her ex would make ANYONE question their worth.

What I don't get is why she insists on putting on this "I am absolute perfection" act with me. First of all, I'm *supposed* to be her best friend. I can see that something is not right with her. I knew her when she was married. I knew her when she was depressed and miserable. I knew her when she was "frumpy" and "fat" (her words not mine). I knew her before the divorce and the personality make-over. The only difference I see now is that she tries so much harder to make people like her, which makes her a different person than the one I become best friends with over three years ago. There are parts of her that are changed for the better, because she is happier. I just don't think she is as happy and she lets on to be which makes me wonder how honest she is being, not just with me, but with herself.

This is the thing that brings it home for me though... the thing that concerns me the most... She has been with a guy for over a year now that REFUSES to get serious or even tell her that he loves her. He is flaky, he is phoney, he has some really bad habits, and honestly, he is using her. She will make excuses for him, but after a year the guy KNOWS if he loves her or not, so acting like it's just hard for him t o say the words but she "knows he feels it too" is a cop-out. After a year and a half, if he hasn't said it, he doesn't feel it. Bottom line. I wish for her sake that it was different, because she deserves to be loved and adored, but I can't wrap my brain around it and make it seem any other way than that. I know she doesn't want to be alone. I definately know what that feels like. I just think she is wasting her time with this guy when she could be finding someone to treat her right.

Still, she puts on this charade when it comes to him, like he is the best guy in the world, even though last night he flaked out on her (again) after planning to come over for a week. Yet somehow, today, he is the sweetest guy in the world and she is all over him. If a guy did that to me, I wouldn't wait on him and treat him like being in his presence makes my life complete once he did finally decide to show up and make an effort. I would be ripping him a new one. And after he did it to me over and over again, like he has done to her, I wouldn't just rip him a new one, I would rip his balls off and feed them to him as I kicked his ass to the curb. I would like to think that I am not the abnormal one here, but apparently I am.

I love her to death, she has literally changed my life. I wouldn't know my husband if it wasn't for her. I know that I can depend on her if I ever need anything. She is the best friend I have ever had. I just wonder why she puts up with what she does.

Happy 4th of July.